needlefelted dragonflies

I started needlefelting a few weeks ago. I had no idea how it was done, but was continually fascinated by the artistic creations I was seeing for sale on Etsy. I've been desperately needing something new to do, something to keep me preoccupied at home, keep my hands busy. I've always needed a creative outlet - photography, gardening, sewing, cooking.., and I've always like small crafts, fidgety things, details. 

I've also been wanting to do something special for some people who have done so much for me - more than I could ever put into words. Sarah, of course.. how will I ever be able to thank her for all she's done as a healer and as a friend. Making something to represent Finn - his conception, his pregnancy, his life, and his death has been healing in itself... it feels good to create things with him in mind. 

It's been difficult for both Rohan and I to count how many days we had Finn with us - was ten? Was it eleven? It borders the two and it's all a little confusing. The number eleven seems to be speaking a little louder these days, so for Sarah I made eleven little felted dragonflies flying around a felted branch. 

Needlefelting isn't complicated, and doesn't require a whole lot of equipment, and as I started I could only see more and more possibilities. It's been a great distraction for my mind and fingers. Each little dragonfly has unique blue markings of the wings, a blue bead eyes sewn on with metallic thread. Each one carefully brought to life to remember a life lost.

I've ordered a lot of wool from various places - some from Living Felt, a great resource for all things felted, including You Tube tutorials; and from places I've found on Etsy, straight from farms in New Zealand and closer to home in southern Ontario. Again, a new to me learning adventure, and already I've discovered preferences ..I can see the future wool snob developing in me. I'm constantly distracted with new project ideas. It's about the only thing that has distracted me in a positive way since we lost Finn.

I know Sarah will love her dragonflies and with them remember Finn. Her peaceful and calming way is so much like all the nice things we hear about dragonflies, the two go very well together.  

dragonflies

We picked up this little pencil drawing of dragonflies on September 30th 2012 when we drove down to Lutsen and back exploring the artist studios open for the Crossing Borders Studio Tour. The drawing is by Betsy Bowen and is an original illustration from the book Hawk Ridge by Laura Erickson. I didn't know at the time where we would hang it, and for many months it lived propped up on the bookshelf in the living room. 

When I started decorating Finn's nursery it was a natural fit in the room, and thinking back it would have been the first thing I chose to hang on the wall (that and the giraffes playing in the pond painting)... 

September 30th 2013 was the first day I had to learn to live without my little boy. I didn't open my eyes.

~ 

It was some time in late summer, I was home alone, hot, hiding in the living room which seemed to be the coolest room in the house with very little, if any, direct sunlight with the fan blowing on me. I would bounce on the exercise ball while listening to satellite music streaming through the television... when Cradle Song (Holy Nazan) by Norma Winstone began to play I was mesmerized. I quickly downloaded the song and added it to my lullabies playlist. It was such soothing and beautiful music I listened to it repeatedly for the rest of my pregnancy to relax, fall asleep, and dream of holding my baby. When in labour it was the song I listened to most. I imagined these little pencil dragonflies fluttering around to the music...

I haven't been able to listen to the song since.

That is why there are dragonflies surrounding my two tattoos - ten in total for the day's Finn lived.

The Chinese characters came from Sarah (my acupuncturist - and very special friend). In the first few weeks home after losing Finn I was such a mess (obviously)... Sarah would come to the house to treat me, absolutely life saving sessions, not just for the needles but for her calming and healing energy. I'd fall into the deepest sleeps after being with her for an hour. When I told her I was getting Finn's footprint tattooed on my foot she told me about this acupuncture point - located on the dorsal aspect of the foot, between the fourth and fifth metatarsal bones - known as Zu (foot) Lin (to face forward, to arrive at, to overlook) Qi (tears, to weep, [silent tears]) 'Foot Overlooking Tears'

For how important Sarah has been on this journey to have a baby, and for how much she has helped me heal, it was really important to me to include her. The characters are in her handwriting (as best copied by Remy the tattoo artist) and will always bring me back to those early days when the grief was so deep. It's all part of me now.

I'm not ready to share my other tattoo yet. Someday...